My Backs BleedingPost Two
So... The afformentioned girl in the post below?.. Yeah, We got together. Everything was great, so I thought.. Until, that is, I had the worst night of my life so far. First of all, her ex is nagging her to go see her all night, she didn't wanna go, but in the end she gave in and went to go see him.. I went to make sure she was safe and well.. long story short, he ended up assualting me.. then, to top that, she then tells me that she cheated on me with my so called best mate. Wow. Knife in the back much? :/ See, she told me this happened a week or so before we got together.. she then went on to tell me she would never cheat inside a relationship.. It's not until my 'mate' tells me it was last week that I found out she cheated on me..
The day after we were talking about telling people we were together.
My backs bleeding.. I have a feeling it's gonna be doing that for a long time too.. This is one of the reasons I haven't been posting much recently, despite my promises of daily posts (sorry about that). the whole thing kinda just broke me.. have been so un-motivated since then.. Can't even be bothered to press record on a camera and play guitar.. Ah well :/
But anyways.. I ended it.. but then I took her back.. I honestly don't know if I'm ever gonna be able to see her in the same way again.. And I certainly don't know if I would ever be able to trust her on her own with any guy.. especially seen as though the person she cheated on me with, she said the thought of even kissing him physically repulsed her and made her feel ill.. so if she'll sleep with him, surely she would with anyone?
I know I should trust her, and I really want too.. and I know 100% that I shouldn't be saying this on here, but I've tried talking to her and my mate, I've tried to take my mind of it, but typing this all out, is really helping take some of the pain and stress away.. I know she might see this, and I'm sorry if you are reading this and I've upset you because of it, but the fact of the matter is, if you ever want us to be able to be normal again.. then me writing it all out is what it's gonna take to let me get over it..
I just hope my back heals and doesn't scar.
Finally learnt my lessonPost One
There's this girl.. She's my best friend.. She means the world to me, and I've been chasing after her for close to a year now.. I've been hurt so much by her, yet I carried on chasing her.. I constantly questioned myself about this, and yet I still did it. Why? Because I love her.. no wait, I thought I did... Turns out I do love her in a way, but as a friend.. MY friend.. my BEST friend.. I realise now, that I was stupid to go chasing her, Chasing a dead-end, because that meant I was oblivious to everyone else out there! people who actually genuinely liked me and who actually wanted to be with me.. people who wouldn't change their mind about me every other week..
I only realise this now because I've met someone so amazing, so beautiful, that's she's changed everything..
Okaii, so I haven't just met her, I've known her nearly the majority of my life, I don't know what changed, but I'm glad it did. I'm really glad. I've never felt this way about anybody before, and I know everyone always says this when they first meet someone new they like.. But I genuinely mean it! I can't honestly work when I started to like her.. I've counted back the days in my mind and that point in time doesn't seem to exist.. It just happened overnight I guess.. Is that weird? But anyways, this girl.. She's perfect, even though every time I tell her this she argues *rolls eyes* but I don't care, because I know that I'm right..
But as the saying goes "it seems too good to be true..." And it is.. because no matter how much I want to be with her.. I can't be.. Well, not yet anyways.. One day maybe? I can only hope.. Because with every day I have to keep my feelings hidden, they get stronger.. I'm not saying that's a bad thing! But I don't know how much longer I can keep them hidden..
But hey, She's worth the wait..
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